During the years after the teenage years are times for experimentation of you and your sexuality. Here are the things you ought to know.
When people are in their 20s, this is usually the time to try things out. The experimental phase when one is trying to find one’s self. Much of sex for a lot of people during this age range will probably be picked up from movies and porn. For others, it will be a trial and error scenario.
For ladies in theirs 20’s, here is a list of what you should know before you turn 30 as compiled by Kristen Thomason, Health. These points should help you live a better sex live.
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1. Laughter is allowed during sex
It’s not as weird as you think to laugh while having sex. Sex isn’t an entirely serious affair. “Part of feeling comfortable in your own skin is owning your imperfections and the fact that bodies sometimes do weird things or make weird noises during sex.” Advises Rena McDaniel, sex therapist and educator. If something happens during the sex that can be embarrassing, try as much as possible to focus on the humor rather than embarrassment. “Being able to laugh when someone falls off the bed, gets a cramp, or accidentally makes a weird noise can make a potentially awkward moment into a connecting one.”
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2. Perfectly okay to use lube
For a while now, people have assumed that using lubes means there is a problem with the woman. According to McDaniel that’s so not the case: “I had no idea when I was younger that lube wasn’t just for people experiencing issues with wetness, but really enhances sexual activity in general.” Emily Morse, sex and relationship expert and host of the podcast Sex with Emily, completely agrees: “It’s not a failure of your womanhood to get a little help from your lubricant ally.” It will be good to try out varieties of the lube to make sure you get the one that works great for you and your skin.
3. Don’t forget condoms
They may not allow you enjoy sex as much as you should but they also help in tremendous ways. “In my 20s, condoms were more of a nuisance than a savior,” says sex educator and pelvic health physical therapist Uchenna Ossai. You can even carry your own if you like. Morse says, “After all, can you really trust a guy to keep your sexual safety in mind when many of them aren’t even clear on the location of the clitoris?”
4. Sex shouldn’t be painful
Sex should be an enjoyable act, experiencing pain during sex might be a sign of something else. Many women feel experience pain during sex is just a normal thing. Ossai explains this couldn’t be more false. “Sex simply should not hurt, so if you are experiencing pain with sex; don’t ignore it!” she says. “See a doctor or a pelvic health physical therapist who has experience treating sexual pain.” Ossai suggests that instead of intercourse, maybe you can try “outercourse” which is oral or external stimulation or even masturbation.
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5. Stop faking orgasms
It might have been a great idea, but as you enter into this new decade, it might be time to do away with faking an orgasm. “I know it’s tempting to fake an orgasm from time to time, whether we know it’s not going to happen or just want to give our partner a little ego boost,” says Morse. He can then feel safe that he can bring orgasm by just looking at you because of how long you’ve been faking it. It might be time to give him the real feedback which is he aint that good!
6. It’s a journey
Sex is a journey that should end up in orgasm as the destination while this should be ideal scenario, it might not happen. You can also enjoy the sex itself. “Sex is more than just penetration and reaching an orgasm,” says Ossai. “If you invest your focus on the pleasure vs. the end-goal; you will completely reinvent your sex life for years to come.”
7. Let yourself enjoy it
Sadly, some people think the sole purpose of sex is for their partner to enjoy while they only watch. “There’s an epidemic affecting young women everywhere: they still believe that sexual pleasure is a one way street, leading only towards their partners’ satisfaction,” says Morse. “Sex is a two-way street; both parties should have the opportunity to get where they need to go.” She continued.
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8. Try doing it alone first
It may sound weird but you should try it. Knowing your body is essential to knowing what you’d like to be done to you. Masturbation also known as touching yourself might be a way to find our own sexuality. “Take your time, set the mood, and really get to know what your body likes,” says McDaniel. “Use a little bit of lube, to enhance your senses and play with different pressure, tempos, and ways of touching yourself.”
9. Open yourself to newer experiences
The possibilities in sexuality are endless, and it definitely goes beyond penetrative and oral sex. Your 20s’ are times for you to explore. “I wish I had a broader view of sex in my early 20s and experimented with different types of erotic and sensual play outside of the genitals,” says Ossai. “Because when you grow your erotic sensibilities and have the courage to indulge your curiosities, it makes for a hell of a sex life!”
10. Don’t worry that much about your body
Thoughts of not having the best body can lead to a lot of psychological issues. “I wish I could have told my younger self not to worry so much about how my body looked, because it held me back from being present in my body during sex,” says Sarah Tomchesson, sex educator and head of business operations at The Pleasure Chest. You can know the best sex tricks in the book, but if you don’t feel comfortable in your skin, sex is always going to be lukewarm,” says Ossai.
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11. Live in the moment
A lot of things can happen during sex which includes the mind veering off into places it shouldn’t during sex. Try to live in the moment as much as possible. “A tip I share with anyone who gets stuck in the head during sex is to focus on awakening the whole body before sex,” says Tomchesson, who struggled with this in her 20s. “For instance, you can use a blindfold on your partner and then give them a massage with a warm massage oil or use a feather over their body and the sensation becomes heightened,” she says. “This helps to bring you into your body, into the moment and out of your head.”
12. Learning never stops
Sadly, that saying also has to do with sex. “In my 20s, I could have benefited from someone telling me ‘the more you know, the more you realize how little you know (in bed),’” says Tomchesson. “I thought I should be an expert at sex, and as a result, I found it hard to access information and education about sex because I was embarrassed.” Sexual education is an ongoing process, you’ll also find out that your body and desires are changing constantly.
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