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The Diary of a Lagos Virgin : Episode 2

Written by @dj_fleau

I silently prayed that Bola won’t be home as I opened the door to the 2-bedroom apartment I share with her. That prayer went unanswered as I walked in to see Bola sitting in front of the tv with dinner on her laps..

I acted like I didn’t see her as if it was even possible to ignore someone like Bola. I was hoping she would take a cue from my not greeting her that I wasn’t in the mood for a conversation but she didn’t as she asked why I came back so early.

I acted like I didn’t hear her question but that didn’t stop Bola from asking the next question

“So, how was your private party with Lanre? Bola asked

“Fine” I said as I headed for my room. I noticed she was walking behind me with her plate of food.

“So” she asked with her mouthful. I looked at her still carrying the plate loaded with spaghetti and fish

“So what!! “ I answered with irritation as I walked into my room

“How did it go?” she probed further.

I wasn’t sure of what was more annoying between her questions and the sound she made every time she put the spaghetti in her mouth. She sounded like a baby sucking from a straw in an empty bottle.

 “Fine” I said

“Just fine” she asked

“Were you expecting some spectacular gist, Bola please I’m tired and not in the mood”

I was hoping my response would get her to leave me alone, well it didn’t as she pulled out one of my bedside stool

“Why are you so moody” she said as she sat on the stool

Now I knew for sure she wasn’t going to leave anytime soon

Getting rid of Bola when it came to gist matters was always a war for me. I mean it wasn’t exactly easy getting rid of someone who had chosen to make other people’s business their major business. Sometimes speaking to her made one feel like she was overly concerned about your issue but other times it felt like she just needed to be up to date on your issue.

I took a deep breathe and said “I am just tired babe, I need to rest”

“What did you people do that got you this tired? ” She said giggling. I wasn’t even sure of what made her giggle but I wasn’t going to ask

“Nothing I am just a bit tired that’s all”  I answered

She stood up from the stool and moved to my bed apparently she was uncomfortable on the stool.

I went into the bathroom and took what looked like the longest bath reminiscing the whole event of the evening, with the hope that by the time I came out Bola would have left my room. I walked out of my bathroom 15 minutes later to see her still in my room watching tv. I cursed her under my breath

She lowered the volume of the tv and asked if I said something. I replied with a loud “NO”

“Anyway, babe I hope you represented us well oh with Lanre after all he did for you on your birthday, I hope you didn’t go and show your cheap self there.”

I wasn’t even sure I wanted to respond to that.

“What did you get him for his birthday” she asked

“Bola! Did they send you to me this night?” I asked

“Why are you cranky sef?”  she said

“Look babe I am tired and totally not in the mood for any of this talk right now.”

I really wanted to tell Bola what had happened but I wasn’t just ready for her reaction. She wasn’t exactly one of the easiest people to tell a problem or a thing like this. I still remember telling her about me and Nduh’s break-up she had simply laughed so hard before saying the most annoying and unhelpful thing.

Bola wasn’t really my best friend, but over the last 5 years she had proven to be more loyal than most of my longest friends. We had been through a lot together.

I still remember meeting her 5 years ago at the NYSCcamp in Kebbi, just about the same time I met Nduh the man I spent a year of my life living with. Apparently they graduated from the same university, the great Ife like she always called it everytime she had the smallest opportunity to talk about the school. Bola was truly an alumni of the school, she possessed every feature of her alma mata with her continuous display of what she described as her revolutionary side.

Once in camp she debated the fact that all executives in our platoon were men and had asked that there be a re-election to enable a fair number of females occupy positions amongst the platoon executives. I still remember her tone that day as she spoke to the platoon commandant in what seemed like her activist voice declaring that we all had the same fair share of education and hence had the right to have the same fair share of power. She spoke with so much authority, like it mattered to anyone.

At the end of the day, the platoon commandant had no choice but to give in to her rants as he could tell that she wasn’t going to give up on this case.

We were posted to the same local government area and so I was stuck with her unnecessary activism

She protested about every and anything once she protested during a CDA meeting over the fact that some ladies had been served a bottle of coke while some male corpers got 2 bottles each.

She made so much fuss, they had no choice but to produce the other bottles which she took the liberty of sharing to other females who got a bottle rather than 2 bottles. I remember asking her why she declared a war over something as cheap as one bottle of coke.  And she replied with

“My dear, in this life we were born the same way hence deserve the same treatment, even if it has to do with something like 50 naira coke”

We became good friends after the event. As a matter of fact it was through her I had learnt of Nduh’s true feelings for me.

We however only became flat mates 2 years ago after she moved to Lagos from Port Harcourt to take up a new position in a company on the island. I was so excited when she called that day to tell me she would be moving to “My Lagos” as she always called it every time we spoke about Lagos. I had only moved into her apartment following my sudden break up with Nduh. She had helped me through that period as I had almost nowhere to go seeing that I had built my life around him

She looked at me and said “Babe!! its me Bola o , whats the problem? what did that boy do to you?”

Now she sounded more concerned, her amebo nature had vanished somehow. I smiled and said “nothing, just one of those days ”

She looked a bit worry, I could tell she knew I was lying.

She breathed in and said “You are sure you are fine?

I smiled and said “Its just small man wahala but its nothing serious ”

“You know you have me right” she responded

“Yep I know…” I replied with my heart seeking solace with Bola

I really wanted to speak to Bola about the situation but didn’t know how

“Can I ask you something” I said

“Yep” she responded with so much excitement like she had been waiting for me to say something

“Did you sleep with Akin during your first year of dating ?” Akin was Bola’s boyfriend.

“Oh my God , finally you slept with Lanre “she screamed

“Finally some action in your life” she said

“What!” I said.

“Is that why you have been looking all sad and depressed because you slept with a man you started dating 4 months ago”  she laughed as she said this

I tried to respond but she didn’t allow me respond before cutting in to ask how it went, how good he was and all sorts of what not questions. She even went on to call me wicked saying I starved the man sex even after he bought me a car in our 3rd month together. She described Lanre as the perfect gentleman for not asking for sex after the car gift.

I wasn’t even sure of what to respond to anymore. Since when didn’t sex become the reward prize for a gift from one’s boyfriend I thought to myself.

Finally she said “ No wonder you wanted a private party  with him alone, so this is the surprise gift you wanted to give him for his own birthday, this  girl you are just full of surprises”

I looked at her with so much surprise, I mean what did I ask her, what was she saying. Something had to be wrong with this girl right now.

“So how was he, oh wait is that why you are sad, he wasn’t good or what, don’t worry he would get better with time”  she consoled

I felt like slapping her just to shut her up

“Madam, I didn’t sleep with him” I said loudly

“What! Why! When are you planning to sleep with him? Oh are you waiting until Lagos girls snatch him from you? Is it that you don’t know how to keep a man? She asked

I was taken aback by her response, I didn’t know sex was now the new mechanism girls used to keep their men in Lagos

“Well I didn’t” I said

“Well why” she asked with a surprised tone

“I just couldn’t” I said

“Are you on your period” she asked

Nope

“So why on earth didn’t you sleep with him? Wait sef how come you guys haven’t even had sex by now. What have you people be doing?  She asked

I didn’t know there was a timeline to have sex with a man in Lagos up until now.

She looked at me like someone waiting for a response

“Well, I couldn’t” I stammered,

“why couldn’t you? She probed further

“Well,  I have never really being with a man before. I paused for a minute before saying the thing is I am a VIRGIN

Bola looked at me like something just shocked her,  then she went on to do the weirdest thing . She picked up her empty plate and glass cup that was on the floor, stood up from the bed,  said “good night” and left my room.

I wasn’t even sure of what she was doing

The next morning while leaving for work Bola looked at me and said

“Temi we have been friends for 5years, we have been through a lot together, we know each other’s deepest secrets, if you wanted to lie to anyone not me. I hope you didn’t tell Lanre this nonsense and unbelievable crap you told me last night”

I stood there affixed and speechless. For the first time I felt stupid about what I said. So, I made up my mind I was going to fix this today. I was going to drive to Lanre’s place after work today to clear things up. I wasn’t going to let my stupidity make me lose Lanre’s love or Bola’s trust.  It was about time anyway.

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