July 22, 2024

@Osisiye’s fashion rant


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@Osisiye’s fashion rant

Man! I love the fashion posts on this site. One was really apt. I came on here and they were talking about shades. It just happened that I needed a pair of shades at that time, one that would be the epitome of cool.

I, like you, would have opted for the safe and immanent Wayfarers. On here, I got useful tips about how to get one to fit my face type. I finally went for a square shaped Carrera that looks like a Wayfarer, rocks like a Wayfarer but isn’t as common as a Wayfarer.

Some of them come on here and give fashion advice. They give you tips laced with brands that are ‘fashion’s best kept secret’. I can’t. Truth be told, I just get by. I once had Chris Brown as my fashion totem until that GQ Poll. So there.

My brand of fashion advice is hitch-like. (Yeah, remember Will Smith in that movie ‘Hitch’ with his perfect moves). In my time, I have made a lot of fashion mistakes. Looking back, I said, why not share those? They could be useful to someone; prevent an awkward moment or two. So here;

You see that small kerchief in your shade’s case? Remember to always fold it into a neat square whenever you’re done using it. Just the other day, stepping into Oriental Hotel, I cleaned my lens and squeezed the kerchief into the case. Coming out, I brought out my cool aviators to wear and by some trick of fate, the roughly crumpled square got into the hinge mechanism of my frames. Now imagine this, a lime green kerchief fluttering from the handle of my lovely frames. It didn’t make for a good sight. I quickly tried to pull it off without arousing attention. It wouldn’t budge. I then calmly removed the glasses and pulled the square away after tweaking the handle to get some space. End of the day, my square was saved and all, but next time, I would rather fold that little  murrerfucker square.

Yes, it is wrong to wear shades indoors (except you’re D-banj). I try to obey that rule assiduously. So I have this jumble of ungraceful action when walking into a shop; I am trying to remove my shades, pop open the case, put the shades into the case and pull open the door at the same time. Not graceful at all. And in these times we live in, having so much hand movement while entering a building might just make the Bomb Disposal Squad come heavy on you. So why not remove ‘em shades, hold ‘em for a while and while safely in the building, casually flip open the case to return shades.

May the Lord help us all in the quest to be ‘cool’. *sighs*

I have more to share but I have something against long posts. So there, a demain. It’s ya boy Wizzy Osisiye *dunks pen*


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Dr. Deolu Oniranu-Bubble

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