By Funke Ajomale (@funkeh_A)
I’m guessing we had a great weekend, plenty faaji’s/owambes to attend. It would be nice if you can share your funny owambe stories with us sometime, we would love to read and share them.
Anyways, my friend sent me a link earlier in the week and I couldn’t find the time to read it till Friday night. It turned out to be the Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown’s situation, http://www.stelladimokokorkus.com/2015/02/whitney-houstons-ex-bodyguard-speaks-on.html as I would like to call it. Her one time Body guard and close friend was giving light to what went down and how it has also played a major role in their Daughter Bobbie Kristina’s life causing all that’s she’s going through at the moment.
A lot of relationships go through this same situation or should I say lane and please don’t get me wrong. This type of relationship isn’t limited to just lovers or married couples. We see it in siblings, friends, mother daughter, father daughter, mother son, associates etc whatever form of relationship. Sometimes you don’t even realize it till it’s eaten deep into you and you don’t know how or it’s become too late or too hurtful to cut the person off or undo the damages done.
I for one see this as a self-induced bondage.
In-case you do not understand what I mean or where am going with this, let me explain.
This is an imbalanced relationship, where one person is in a better place and he or she is in love or obliged to be responsible to the lesser party (the lesser party meaning one with the least character or personality). When it’s in regards to lovers or those who are married, it’s usually a case of obsession.
The lesser party then feeds on the obsession, love, kindness or obligation of the former, manipulating and blackmailing them and in most cases subjecting them to abuses and because the better half does not want to hurt or lose them they do as they say or come down to their level, taking on their bad habits to make the feel accepted by you.(Note by Deolu, I think this also happened in 50 Shades of Grey, correct me if I’m wrong) You become tools to them in the name of love and compassion.
A very common one in Africa and even around the world aside the man woman relationship is the one within families (watch being Mary-Jane), just because one person is at better advantage then the others decides to be lazy and so you have to feed them all. No one has said its wrong to help out, but it should be to a limit and should not come with treats and manipulations.
The bulk of my concern is taking up their habits or subjecting one’s self to abuse just so you don’t hurt them. Habits are hard to kill, abuses leaves scars forever and throws you in a dark place where there is fear, trust issues and no self-love.
If your partner, friend or family member, is dragging you down with them or it feels like they are taking more than they can chew. CUT THEM OFF!
You came to the world a lone and you would die alone even if you were a twin. Whitney died alone and almost disgracefully.
You need to live for yourself and do what makes you happy.
It’s in your right to give selflessly all religions preach that but not foolishly.
Habits such as, drug abuse, show-casing indecent sexual behaviours and fighting in-front of your kids or in public places brings disrespect and takes away your value in the public eye especially if you are a known figure, it also makes it feel right to the kids and they would defiantly tread that path. I have heard of kids exhibiting violent behaviours in schools and when asked they said it’s what daddy and mummy do at home.
It might be hard to take your life back from those you love, but it’s for best. You need to learn to love yourself only that way would you be able to walk away without looking back and love another person the right way.
Learn to say NO! when enough is done.
Don’t wait for when it’s too late and all your pride and glory has been taking from you then you find solace in sharing your story (in death) to other people so they don’t fall victim. Save yourself while you can.
Thank you.
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