Knowledge is power, sex therapists or sexologists have a lot of it here. Find out what are those ideas that can make your sex life better.
Who should know more about sex than regular couples, someone who has dedicated his/her time to studying this for a while. Because of their training, they’re able to tell how to be better in bed because of this. In the summation, the biggest problem couples face in the bedroom is communication, if the sex live is bad, chances are that they have poor communication skills.
“There’s a lot of research showing that couples who have better communication have better sex lives,” says Rachel Sussman, a psychotherapist who specializes in sex and relationships. “They’re not afraid to talk about sex, and they’re not afraid to ask for what they want.”
To help couples, Kasandra Brabaw, Prevention spoke with Sussman and other sex expert to give their best advice to couples on how to have better sex lives.
1. You should seduce her
Being turned on isn’t a switch that can be flipped on at a moment’s notice for some women. Some women are lucky that they can get turned on easily while others require some kind of work before they’re ready for sex.
Most women don’t experience spontaneous desire; they need a little help getting there, says Michael Aaron, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist, sexologist, and sex therapist.
If it still doesn’t work for you, feel free to stop it immediately. “You don’t know in the moment how it’s going to feel,” says sex and relationship therapist Megan Fleming, PhD, a clinical instructor of psychology in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College.
2. Do your homework
Depending on where your relationship is at, sex isn’t always happening like you think they would, especially if you’ve been together for a while. According to studies, it is revealed that 15% of relationships are sexless, this means that they’ve not had sex in 6 months, and its true. It does mean there is no love.
If you find yourself in this sort of relationship, there is a solution, try to bring in intimacy more.
Acts like going on dates for food or movies, PDAs (Public Display of Affection), stuff like holding hands. It might seem simple, but it can help for sure.
3. Plan for sex
Spontaneous sex is cool but as life gets complicated or more interesting, you’ll find out that the spontaneous sex cannot happen anymore. At that point, its time to plan for sex, it sounds like what old people do.
You can take it further, by having you and your partner write down a list of things you want to try and things that you don’t want to do Aaron suggests.
If you do this, then you’ll find out you might have things in common that you both want to try.
4. Get a sexy brain
Asides from letting your partner turn you on. You should also look for ways to get turned on. Your libido is like an engine, says Fleming. You can also look other ways of getting you in the mood, you can try erotic fiction like the ones we have here, or even erotic podcast (Diary of Purpled Hair girl). Fantasizing is also on way to go.
“Think about the last really enjoyable, hot, fun, connected, juicy experience you had with your partner,” she says. “Use all five senses, take it in, and let it be something you can come back to time and time again.”
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5. Bring a friend in
Well, that can help too. I have seen cases of people bringing their friends into their sex lives. It can be kinky, if you both like things like that. But that’s not what is being said here. You can talk to your friends about your sex life. Who knows, they might be able to give you ideas on how to make it better, A good friend might even be able to help you work out whatever issue is getting in the way of the sex life you crave, Sussman says. It might be a bit difficult to do, so you can begin by saying “So, I read on Pulse that …” and continue from there. That should break the ice quite nicely.
6. Take care of yourself first
This is so important because if you’re not right with yourself, there is nothing your partner can do. And it’s not the masturbation kind of taking care of yourself, although that won’t be a bad idea. This is different, because of stress level, sex isn’t appealing to some women, it feels like a chore. So, it’s advisable that you try to relax. Sleeping well can also make sex better. Try to do some exercise and keep fresh.
“So many women feel depleted, and then sex starts to feel like work,” says Fleming.
7. Request for compliments
Remember how we said earlier that not communicating enough is one of the biggest problem in couples’ sex life. For some ladies, they enjoy being paid compliments about how good they look, or how sexy they’re. These make them more susceptible to sex. In case your husband doesn’t pay you compliments, you have it on good authority to demand it from him.
“If you can say to your husband or partner, ‘Flirt with me, make me feel attractive,’ well, that’s probably just as good as taking any medication.”
Getting back to a place where you feel loved and sexy is absolutely essential, Sussman says.
8. Love thyself
You remember that thing you read somewhere and ignored, that psychobabble, if you don’t love yourself, no one can love you. I’ve got news, its very true. Self love is actually important, because if you don’t want yourself, no one else will want you.
What’s the No. 1 turn-on for men? If you said “boobs” or “butts,” you’d be wrong. The thing that gets most guys going isn’t a body part, says Sussman. It’s confidence. “If you feel good about how you look, if you like to make love with the lights on, that’s an aphrodisiac for everyone,” she says.
If you feel uncomfortable about your body, do something about it, lose some weight.
9. Find the problem
You need to find your inner batman and become the best detective in the world. The reason for this, is to look for the root cause of the problem. What’s really at the root of your sex issues? Figure that out and you just might solve your problem, says Sussman.
She found out that a lot ofher clients have issues initiating sex, or even talking about fantasies or admitting to wanting more sex because she was put down once when she asked. Other times sex problems aren’t really about sex at all, says Sussman.
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